John Waters on Moderation

“Damaged people make the best warriors, so get busy. I’m a fascist about my work habits and I expect you to be, too. Never have a spontaneous moment in your life again. If you’re going to have a hangover, it should be scheduled on your calendar months in advance. Rigid enjoyment of planning can get you high. Militant time-management will enable you to ignore how maladjusted you would be if you had the time to notice it in the first place.

Discipline is not anal compulsion; it’s a lifestyle that breeds power. The only insult I’ve ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, “Do you have a hobby?” A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!”

Stairway to Heck

(Archived article from August 2008)

Weights should feel heavy when you lift them. Cardio should feel hard when you do it. Pretty entry-level stuff, no?

Sadly, I think it’s safe to say that if you take a look around most gyms, the majority of folks aren’t really putting forth enough pure physical effort (or avoiding enough pure cherry turnovers) to elicit much of an improvement in their body composition.

The Web doesn’t need another rant explaining why heavy deadlifting is more productive than Thigh Mastering, or why intense interval sprinting is superior to walking semi-briskly on a treadmill while lip-reading CNN in a joyless room with twenty total strangers. You’re switched-on, and you already know all this stuff.

What I’d like to talk about here is how to combine two of the most effective modes of training for fat loss and overall athleticism, entirely within a small indoor stairwell (I’m all for training outdoors, but Toronto winters are colder than a pimp’s heart).

You probably know that circuit-style resistance training with multi-joint movements and brief rest periods is a phenomenal way to melt off bodyfat. Rockstar strength coaches like Alwyn Cosgrove have written extensively about this concept for years.

You probably also know that high intensity interval cardio (that is, some form of all-out effort combined with short periods of recovery, usually repeated for several rounds) is far superior to steady-state cardio for fat loss in just about every case. It’s a big reason why marathon runners usually look like crap, while sprinters (both the women and the men) pretty much epitomize the ideal physical aesthetic for most people. It’s largely because of how they train.

Performing sprints on a staircase is one of my favorite ways to bust out the interval cardio. Very few activities will leave you sucking for oxygen as violently. Which is great, you’re thinking, but where exactly does the strength training component fit in to all this?

The average staircase landing is about the same size a 4×6 foot exercise mat. This opens up a world of cruel possibilities. For example, after sprinting up from the bottom of a stairwell, stop at the third floor landing and bang out ten bodyweight squats. Then sprint up to the fifth floor landing and squeeze out some push-ups. Throw a couple of garage sale dumbbells or a homemade sandbag into the mix (for thrusts, cleans, etc.), and you’ll be shredded like a whippet in no time.

I actually do have a treadmill at the Full Blast studio, but I regard it kind of like a rusted out ‘74 Pontiac that’s been sitting in a farmer’s field for a couple of decades. I’m assuming it still runs, but it hasn’t been fired up in a long, long time. I’m fortunate to have access to a private five-floor staircase, and I now use this unique hybrid of resistance training and sprinting almost exclusively when clients want to shed bodyfat quickly and aren’t afraid of hard work.

This past winter, I needed to find a seriously lean and fit woman to do a photoshoot for an upcoming project, and began to think about which of the current crop of fitness models I might be able to recruit for the pics. It just so happened that it was around this same time that the fridge at chez Tully was getting stocked up with truckloads of turkey breast and broccoli- the missus had decided that under my guidance, she was going to make her first really earnest attempt at getting lean, through an aggressive nutrition plan and some focused hard training.

One of the main protocols I used with Sonia right from day one were these staircase circuits, and a couple of months into her training, things were panning out beyond our wildest expectations. Her bodyfat soon hit 10%. It started to occur to me that I might be able to save myself a few bucks and some creepy-sounding phone calls, and have Sonia do the photos instead of a pro fitness model. Her conditioning was fantastic, and in all immodestly, she is, as your dirty old uncle might say, “rather easy on the eyes.”

When all was said and done, Sonia showed up for the photoshoot at 7% bodyfat, and we couldn’t have been more pleased with the pics.

A few days ago we shot the following video in the stairwell at Full Blast. This particular circuit features a couple of my favorite training tools for staircase stuff: the Bulgarian Training Bag and a sandbag. Use your imagination though. A simple pair of dumbbells can provide limitless options.

However you choose to structure your circuit, don’t take a break at the top of the stairs unless you absolutely need to- that sort of defeats the purpose. Immediately walk back down the stairs at a moderate pace (that’s your recovery phase). Don’t stop at the bottom either- just turn around and begin sprinting. As hard as this stuff is physically, it’s also a mind game. Just plug into some kickass music and shut off the pain centre in your head. It’s only about ten minutes of your life and it’ll be over before you know it.

Start slowly with this stuff- it’s more humbling than it looks. Try getting through two or three rounds initially, with the intention of eventually working up to seven or eight.

Anyway, without further ado, our feature presentation. Be sure to turn up your sound for all the punk rock glory.

Do Not Give the Monkeys Eatables. It Can Cause Mishap.

(Archived article from May 2008)

Somewhere in the first few pages of Gregory David Roberts’ paperback boat anchor Shantaram, the author observes how day-to-day activity in India seems to operate solely on the power of magic. In the frenzied major cities, rickshaws, street dogs, and massive Mercedes sedans all manage to jockey for position in the maniacal and lawless traffic, and miraculously, you’ll rarely see a serious collision. Each day, thousands of stainless steel lunch tiffins are punctually delivered to Bombay businessmen through an amazingly complex system, devised by people who are wholly illiterate. A billion-plus people with vastly different histories, religious beliefs, and income brackets somehow functioning quite cordially in an environment of absolute chaos. Try putting that many North Americans or Europeans in the same petri dish and see how long it takes to fully implode.

To witness it all firsthand- which I just spent the last month doing- is to take your reality and value system and shake it up like one of the Taj Mahal snow globes that orphaned peddlers sell at every street corner. I’m still waiting for all the little pieces to settle the ground, which likely won’t be happening for a very long time.

The date is Saturday, March 22. We’re in the Himalayan foothills, in a rural area of Himachal Pradesh, a northwestern state that borders Jammu & Kashmir on the north, sandwiched between Pakistan and western China. We’re roughly 30 km from our destination, the small hilltown of Kasauli. As the jeep gingerly creeps up the terrifyingly steep and narrow road, I’m informed that I’ll soon be getting a rare opportunity as a tourist: today happens to mark the annual celebration of Holi, the Festival of Colors, and I get to see all the outrageous festivities “from the safety of the truck.”

It’s quickly explained to me that Holi was originally the celebration of a successful harvest, and marked by worship and devotional singing. In modern times however, Holi tends not to have any heavy religious overtones for most people. It’s more just an excuse to blow off some steam. Aside from lots of dancing, the most noteworthy custom involves throwing big handfuls of brightly colored powder on any person or animal within pelting distance. That, and drinking lots of bhang. Bhang is a beverage made from almond paste, milk, and spices. ‘Spices’, in this case, meaning copious amounts of ground-up marijuana buds. Yes, weed is very much illegal in India, but apparently during Holi, the rules are bent a little. Even old people and squares get down with the bhang during Holi, and there’s no stigma attached.

No sooner is the briefing finished, and a tiny village appears around a curve in the road.

And the description turns out to be pretty accurate. Hundreds of psychedelically-colored monkeys fight for space with fornicating goats, while neon purple village folk, stoned out of their minds, dance, sing songs, and whip around on motorbikes in front of massive roadsigns warning, “Do Not Give the Monkeys Eatables. It Can Cause Mishap.”

I’m fully convinced that at this precise moment in time, there is nothing else happening anywhere on the entire planet that could possibly be more surreal, absurd, and awesome than this scene. All that’s missing is some John Coltrane improvisational freak-out jazz blasting through our cassette deck.

My point is that I’d officially landed in The Flipside. The polar opposite from my comfort zone in downtown Toronto, and a world away from anything I recognized as remotely familiar. And here’s where I’ll ham-fistedly reel this all in to the context of nutrition and training.

I don’t travel a lot, but I train quite a few clients (executives mostly) who do, thanks to a rigorous schedule of business meetings in major centres like New York, Los Angeles, and London. The most common complaint I hear from these folks is that it’s downright impossible to follow good nutrition principles when you’re that far from home.

I’d always given them the stock bits of pep-talk (”Just ask the restaurant to make you some grilled lean protein and green vegetables”), but in truth, I couldn’t honestly empathize with the challenges of maintaining a healthy eating plan while being on the road for several weeks at a time. I’d never really been out of my little bubble for that long.

Before I left for India though, I decided that while traveling, I was going to make a genuine effort to eat as nutritiously I could, given the circumstances- even if it required packing some non-perishable food for the trip. Sure, I’d eagerly sample a bit of every dish offered to me when I was a guest in someone’s home or restaurant, and be very grateful for the renowned Indian hospitality (I was there to do research for a food project, after all). But unfortunately, the typical South Asian diet- at least without a serious makeover (as in, cutting back on the massive amounts of processed grain, sugar, and clarified butter) is not exactly the best choice for those of us who are mindful of eating for optimal health and a lean physique. What’s more, I wanted to prove to my executive clients that if I could actually make good nutrition work in a rural area of the developing world, then it’s sure as hell possible to do it while on a business trip to New York City.

So before leaving Toronto, I picked up a few things I could use to fill in the blanks. For all those times when lean protein, fiber, and healthy fats wouldn’t be so easy to come by, or when the only option was some roadside mutton stew that would rip apart a pampered white boy’s GI tract.

Aside from the protein bars and whey protein, everything shown below was purchased during a quick and inexpensive trip to Coscto a couple of days before catching the flight to Bombay. Everything (except for the bucket of protein powder) easily fit into a modest-sized knapsack, and was effortlessly transported with the rest of the luggage on numerous internal flights and train rides throughout India. It was eye-opening to see what a minimal commitment this was in terms of luggage weight and size. For two people, our shoes alone actually took up more space than all this food.

So let’s open the knapsack…

Eight 9 oz bags of beef jerky
Lean meat is a somewhat scarce commodity in India. This actually has more to do with a lack of demand than a lack of supply or affordability. For religious reasons, a great deal of the population is vegetarian, and many Indians who do eat meat still refrain from eating beef or pork. Mutton and chicken are both readily available, but finding stuff that isn’t bony and full of fat can be quite difficult. Pulses (such as lentils and chick peas) are ubiquitous in the Indian diet, but in order to meet my daily protein quota, I’d have to eat a lot of lentils, and I personally don’t respond well to that much starch. Beef jerky fits the bill beautifully as the traveler’s answer to non-perishable lean protein. Four ounces contains just 280 calories, 44 grams of protein, 24 grams of carbs, and only 4 grams of fat. There’s a misconception that beef jerky is just low rent meat, laden with a list of nasty chemicals. While it’s true that even the highest quality jerky usually contains preservatives such as sodium erythorbate and sodium nitrite to prevent botulism and discoloration, the cuts of meat chosen for jerky need to be very lean- fat just doesn’t dehydrate the way the meat does, and if there’s more than just a trace of fat hanging around, it’ll quickly turn the product rancid. So you can rest assured that even the cheapest jerky will be at least 97% lean. I bought the factory farm stuff for my India trip, but if you check out farmer’s markets, you can probably get your hands on some boutiquey grass fed beef jerky.

One 5 lb tub of low carb whey protein powder
Five pounds of protein powder for a month is overkill of course, but I wanted to transport the stuff in its original container (putting a big Ziploc bag full of white powder in your luggage is just asking for a long night on the phone with your lawyer). I’ve always viewed protein shakes (other than the post-workout kind) as “Murphy’s Law meals.” Whole foods are always preferable of course, but real life tends to throw us curveballs. Sometimes there simply isn’t even five minutes available to scarf down some real food when your next meal’s scheduled, so you need a backup plan. Having a pre-made protein shake on hand guarantees that no matter how dicey the situation, you’ll never go hungry. If you’re traveling with some protein powder, be sure to bring a plastic funnel along too, so you can dump the powder into any water bottle without spilling it all over the place.

Forty-eight (four 12-count boxes) of protein bars and two 16-count boxes of mixed nut and seed bars
I’m proud to admit that aside from my trip to India, I haven’t eaten a protein bar in at least five years. Even the higher-end commercial varieties tend to be full of lots of nasty preservatives, binders, and sugar alcohols, so if I need a chocolate fix, I’ll usually just buy a quality chocolate bar with a high cocoa content. However, there were times on this trip when we’d be hiking for hours on end and needed a portable meal replacement containing simple carbs, protein, and a bit of fat. Fruit’s usually a good choice when you need a carb boost, but it isn’t always safe to eat the produce in India. The bars provided a reasonable compromise, and I have to admit, some of the flavours tasted pretty damn good. I’m still not condoning them if you have access to safe whole food though. Like your mother always said when you whined about wanting a junky snack, “You know where we keep the apples, and there’s plenty of water in the tap.”

One 300-count bottle of fish oil capsules
The numerous health benefits of Omega-3 fatty acids (cholesterol regulation anti-inflammation being the big ones) are something that nearly all health practitioners can agree upon. Fish oil is the one supplement I swear by- in hefty doses- so packing a jumbo bottle of capsules was a given. An interesting (though admittedly unscientific) observation: The people of Kerala, India’s southernmost state, have unusually flawless skin and are noticeably leaner than the people in the northern parts of the country. Keralites also happen to eat a lot of fish and include coconut and full-fat coconut milk in most of their popular dishes (coconut’s a great source of healthy saturated fat and a natural anti-bacterial agent).

One 3 lb bag of raw unsalted walnuts
Healthy fats such as olive oil, avocados, and flaxseed are tricky to find in India if you don’t know where to look. Including half a handful of walnuts with a couple of meals per day (along with the fish oil) ensured a generous intake of Omega-3 fatty acids. Walnuts also contain ellagic acid, a powerful antioxidant compound.

One 100-count bottle of Metamucil capsules
This fiber supplement was merely an insurance policy for those times when vegetables and fruit were either unavailable or unsafe to eat. In the developing world, that situation’s pretty common.

One 100-count bottle of caffeine tablets
Coffee is almost impossible to find in India unless you’re in a major city, so a couple of the little pink tabs every morning prevented me from re-enacting the withdrawal scene from Trainspotting. It’s my solitary vice- cut me some slack.

Is living on beef jerky, protein shakes, and Metamucil a perfect diet? Of course not, and I’m certainly not suggesting it is. But situations like this are about compromise, and making the best choices possible in a less-than-perfect scenario. If I would’ve chosen to completely go off the rails for a month, would it totally negate a decade of hard training and smart nutrition? Hardly. It’s just that I simply don’t like the way my body reacts to eating poorly. I feel lethargic, my digestion gets out of whack, and my skin goes to hell. Who wants to feel that way when you aren’t even able to come home to the comfort of your own bed for a month?

Taking a bit of non-perishable food with you on a trip is barely a minor inconvenience, and despite what some would say, hardly qualifies as obsessive. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the people who accuse you of being obsessive about fitness and nutrition, just because you smuggle some Tupperware into a movie theatre or bring a protein shake into a board meeting, are often the same people who claim to be willing to try absolutely anything to improve the way they look and feel.

So after successfully completing this little experiment- and being blessed with experiencing the most magical country on the planet- I’ll leave you with the advice I’ll soon be telling my executive clients, in a language they can hopefully understand: In the real world, if something’s really worth having, it probably takes a lot of strategic planning, effort, and sacrifice- nobody’s just going to hand it to you. I’ve never run a large corporation, but I’m guessing it takes a bit more resourcefulness than searching out a grocery store in your Manhattan hotel’s neighborhood. Packing a lunch for the airplane takes a few minutes of homework, but I reckon that getting your MBA took a bit of that too. It really just comes down to a matter of priorities, and how you choose to budget your time.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I didn’t get to try the bhang.

MT meets Double-H

(Archived from January 2009)

The lovely Heather Hiscox recently dropped by the Full Blast studio to shoot a segment for CBC-TV’s flagship national morning show, News Morning. It was good fun and the folks over at the CBC are always cool to work with. Check out the video here.

Uncle Hank is on the Tour Bus and Ready to Blow Your Mind

(Article archived from October 2008)

Human pitbull Henry Rollins is back in the van this fall, bringing his unique brand of social commentary and stand-up comedy to a city near you. If you’re not familiar with Rollins, he’s probably best known as the lead singer of the ancient punk rock band Black Flag, but in recent years has expanded his resume to include author, activist, publisher, actor, and television and radio host. 

I’ll admit that it can take some patience to get into some of Rollins’ music (though I’d highly recommend his 2000 album Get Some Go Again), but regardless of your tastes, you’ve gotta tip your hat to the guy’s phenomenal work ethic and rabid intensity. In the past year or two alone, Rollins has toured incessantly with his spoken word performances, released a couple of books, a few DVDs, hosted a television series on the Independent Film Channel, and toured Iraq with the USO. 

What did you do this year? Get a new cat? 

As part of his Recountdown Tour 2008- celebrating the final days of the Bush era- Rollins will be blowing the roof off Toronto’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre on Monday, October 27th. This will be the fourth time in as many years that I’ve seen his spoken word show, and I can’t wait for another dose. 

A full list of Rollins’ tour dates can be found on his website here. 

So, why is any of this relevant to the lifting of heavy things? No stranger to the squat rack, Rollins wrote an inspirational essay in 1993 for Details magazine, called The Iron. Fifteen years since its original publication, it continues to be essential reading for anyone needing a wake-up call to get off their ass and live life with the volume knob cranked. It’s been reprinted on hundreds of websites over the years, including this one. 

Promise me you’ll take the time to read it.

Badam Daliya: It’s the Right Thing to Do

Compliments of the bloody do-gooders over at Spezzatino magazine, here’s a link to an article and recipe I recently contributed to the mag, for their special issue devoted entirely to plant-based eating.

I’ve worked with a handful of hardcore vegan clients over the years, and as any trainer will tell you, getting someone to significantly improve their body composition if they don’t eat at least some animal-derived food is a challenge to say the least. So whenever I come up with a great hippie-worthy recipe that tastes awesome and is nutrient-dense, I’m very eager to share it.

My badam daliya (an aromatic, Indian-inspired take on porridge) is a great option at 7:00 am if you usually find yourself too strapped for time to reach for anything other than a bowl of God-Knows-Whateeos. Because this recipe tastes even better a couple of days after it’s been sitting in the fridge- like most Indian food- you can make a big pot of it and it’ll get you through the week. Problem solved.

If you’re not familiar with Spezzatino, be sure to check out their site, and (hopefully) subscribe to their lovely magazine. It’s a truly unique fusion of food science, nutrition, and gourmet cooking, complete with gorgeous food photography. Best of all, proceeds from subscriptions support the Healthy Food Bank, a registered charity that provides nutritious foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to local food banks around Canada and the United States.

Here’s the link to the recipe again.

The Bon Vivant’s Nighttime Protein

One of the many cool things about living in downtown Toronto is that wherever you reside, you’re never more than a couple of blocks away from an amazing little ethnic neighborhood, complete with some amazing ethnic food. In my case, I’m a stone’s throw away from the Coxwell Avenue and Gerrard Street intersection- the city’s Little India district, the largest South Asian marketplace in North America.

If you wander through Little India on a sweltering August day, you’ll notice dozens of streetside vendors selling kulfi, the ubiquitous South Asian ice cream-like desert. When you buy kulfi from a street vendor, it’s usually on a wooden stick and wrapped in wax paper, just like a Popsicle. A restaurant might be more apt to serve it in a ramekin bowl, like creme brulee.

Traditionally, kulfi is made by combining sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk, and heavy cream. This mixture is slowly reduced over heat until it becomes very thick, at which point flour or breadcrumbs are added to thicken it even further. Various combinations of spices, nuts, and fruit are then added, and the whole concoction gets poured into molds for freezing. Because kulfi isn’t whipped and aerated (like western ice cream), the result is something that’s incredibly dense and creamy.

Kulfi is available in a handful of flavours, but if you ask me, the most mind-blowing variety is kesar pista (kesar is the Hindi word for saffron, while pista means pistachio). Add some cardamom to these two flavours, and you’ve got what’s undoubtedly the holy trinity of Indian desert ingredients. Now, in terms of the nutritional profile, that’s where things get a bit dodgy. Kulfi may not be quite on par with the deep-fried Snickers bar, but it’s probably not far behind. I’ve been messing around with some alternative ingredients however, and have come up with this high protein, low carb makeover of kesar pista kulfi that tastes downright hedonistic. What’s more, this simple recipe’s a great alternative to cottage cheese when you need that hefty helping of nighttime casein protein.

You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream for Casein

Eating a bowl of cottage cheese before going to bed is a ritual for many serious trainees. Casein (one of the proteins in dairy- and the one that’s especially abundant in cottage cheese) forms a gel-like blob when it hits the acidic pH environment of your stomach. Because of this, casein can take several hours to fully digest, making it the perfect choice for supplying the body with a slowly-released stream of amino acids while you sleep. Problem is, a lot of folks really can’t stand cottage cheese (usually it’s the texture that’s the turn-off). Pure casein protein powder has been on the shelves of musclehead shops for a few years now, and it’s a great alternative. It comes in a variety of flavours- just like whey protein- and will usually be only slightly more expensive. I’m not a shill for the folks at Optimum Nutrition, but I’ve been using their Creamy Vanilla 100% Casein Protein for the past couple of years, and I think it’s a great-tasting, high quality product. It’s sweetnened (like most low carb protein powders) with Sucralose, and shouldn’t be difficult to find. As for the more exotic ingredients in this recipe, cardamom pods and saffron can be found at any Indian or Middle Eastern grocery store. If you’ve never been to an ethnic grocer, don’t be wigged out. The people who run these shops are usually incredibly helpful, and they’ll really appreciate your business. And, due to the rapid turnover of inventory, you’ll end up with much fresher ingredients than at the supermarket. You’ll spend a lot less money too.

A final note on yogurt: Only people who really hate themselves eat low fat yogurt. Always try and find the good stuff: Greek style yogurt, or anything with a fat content of 6% or greater. Low fat yogurt is usually thickened with modified cornstarch and loads of other crap- not to mention tons of sugar in the flavored versions. Full fat yogurt is actually only nominally higher in calories, is more nutritious, and tastes infinitely better.

Kesar Pista Kulfi: The Makeover

Ingredients: 3/4 cup (about 8 heaping Tbsp) Balkan/Greek style plain yogurt (6% fat or greater)

1 scoop (about 30g) casein protein powder, vanilla flavour

1 small pinch saffron threads

2 green cardamom pods

1/8 cup (2 tbsp or about 20) shelled raw pistachios

1 Tbsp ground flaxseed

Method: In a small glass (a shot glass is perfect), soak the saffron threads in just enough warm water (about 1-2 teaspoons) to cover the threads completely. Ideally, this should be done about 20 minutes prior to preparing the rest of the recipe. This will allow plenty of time for the saffron to fully infuse into the water (the water will turn bright yellow).

Put the yogurt into a cereal bowl. Using a fork, whisk the casein protein into the yogurt until it’s blended smoothly. Using a mortar and pestle (you’ll need one), crush the cardamom pods and discard the outer shells, so that only the black seeds remain. With a circular motion, grind the seeds into a fine powder. Dump the cardamom powder into the yogurt mixture.

Finely chop the pistachios and add them to the yogurt mixture. Add the ground flaxseed. Empty the saffron/water into the yogurt mixture. Be sure not to leave any saffron threads behind. Stir everything together thoroughly and put the bowl into the freezer for 10 minutes (don’t forget it’s in there- use a timer to remind you). If you’re doubling the recipe, give it 15-20 minutes in the freezer. Remove the bowl and stir thoroughly before eating.

Calories: 375  Protein: 34g   Carbohydrate: 19g  Fat: 19g

If you find this recipe isn’t quite sweet enough for your liking, add a packet of Splenda or stevia, or if you’re not carbophobic, a bit of sugar to taste. And don’t be afraid to take artistic license. I’ve experimented by adding a couple of drops of vanilla extract, some freshly ground black pepper, and a ground whole clove.